just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
