the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
