my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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