But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
