he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
