really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
