So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
