ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
