I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
