even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
