I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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