I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
