Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize