So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
