he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
