Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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