We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
