glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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