I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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