Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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