he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
