I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize