He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
50% drunk capacity currently
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
