I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
