dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
