I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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