Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
