I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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