Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
