so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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