ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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