And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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