She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
