I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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