he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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