the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
