bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize