Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
