i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
