My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
