yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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