the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
