Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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