i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
