it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize