FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
