I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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