So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
