I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You can't motorboat a personality
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
