My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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