i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
