I'm going to jail i love you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
