whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
