Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
