Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
