If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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