I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
