he shaved USA in his pubs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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