i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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