I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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