HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
