i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
